Things have been relatively quiet, almost maybe too quiet, on the Beaver Stadium renovation front.
But there are some signs around that maybe we’re getting closer to an update. There was a survey during the season asking about amenities for those who have much deeper pockets than me. The most obvious sign for season ticket holders is the grayed out seat selection on the west sideline for those who renewed their tickets.
The renovations are coming. There’s nothing you or I can do about it. They’re probably going to slash capacity and probably jack up ticket prices (again).
But that doesn’t mean we can’t make our case for things we want to see inside Beaver Stadium 2.0. (Although technically this is Beaver Stadium like 4.0 if you consider it moved from west campus to east campus and then went through at least two major expansion projects. But that’s enough history for the day.)
So here are my immediate ideas for the future of Beaver Stadium.
Warm Water
This one is a no-brainer and maybe a part of the already ongoing winterization of the stadium that’s taking place this offseason. But why does it feel like a massive ask? There is absolutely nothing worse than going to the bathroom and then washing your hands with 39 degree water on a 32 degree day so that’s a feasible ask that doesn’t feel unreasonable.
Keep the Troughs
This one is only for the fellas but part of the charm – and part of why there’s always a quick moving men’s room line – is the trough. It is the secret to keeping things moving and from every other stadium I’ve been to – doesn’t matter the sport – things slow down when there are urinals. Look, is it dated? Are those things probably as old as the stadium itself? Yes. But they are functional.
Knowing this current athletic administration, they’re going to maximize everything they can for a few more bucks, which makes me feel like any space they’re going to create is going to be for more food vendors – not more bathrooms. Between the umpteen commercial breaks and their several minute length, the troughs keep things flowing in a steady stream to get me back to my seat.
Sound System
Listen, I think I have good hearing. I’m still relatively young. But for the love of god, can we upgrade Beaver Stadium’s sound system? It feels like every season there’s a speaker blow-out and part of that is because I genuinely believe Penn State is buying its speakers at Five Below.
You’ve got to play the music and have the PA system quite loud with 110,000 people. But most frat houses have a better sound system than Beaver Stadium.
If the collective we is going to lean into singing along every commercial break, then let’s at least get speakers that don’t sound like the teacher in Charlie Brown.
More Grab and Go Kiosks
If you went to either the Michigan State game at Ford Field or the Peach Bowl at Mercedes-Benz Stadium, you know what I’m talking about. At a lot more pro stadiums, they’re working with Amazon’s Just Walk Out technology. You just tap your card, walk in, grab what you want and are charged with what you grab. I recognize that it may be creepy or whatever but I’m here for the future and the surveillance state that comes with buying a bag of chips and a water.
Ford Field and PNC Park have something similar where you put your items in this box so to speak and it says “OK, Darian got a pretzel and soda. That’ll be $20.” (Listen it’s stadium food. It’s never cheap.) I liked those too.
Again, more speed, more convenience. There’s 100,000 people trying to buy food. I want to get back to the game but I’m hungry, damnit.
Chicken Basket Specific Line
Speaking of convenience, the highlight of any trip to Beaver Stadium – aside from the game, Blue Band, etc. – is the Beaver Stadium Chicken Basket. However, again, the lines are too long.
My proposal here is at every concession stand that sells them, we have a specific line dedicated for the chicken basket. Just the chicken basket. That’s the only thing you can get there. Nothing else. Chicken baskets also slow down the regular line so that speeds up the process for those who just want a drink or a Reese’s. (That’s an underrated food option by the way.)
Lion Lair
OK, this is by far the least likely to happen and I’m not the first to propose this idea. In fact, former Penn State football player Anthony Zettel proposed this idea back in 2015.
Why not have a live mascot? Other schools do it. Mike the Tiger is very well taken care of. And what a great way to preserve and raise awareness about the mountain lion. Yes, they don’t live in the wild in the Keystone State anymore but conservation is important. They’re beautiful creatures. What better way to celebrate them than to have a lair for him or her to hang out at, people to stop by and learn about them.
Those are my mostly unrealistic asks for those deciding the future of Beaver Stadium. In general, yes, it’s time for an upgrade and as long as people show up, make a lot of noise, it won’t matter what it looks like. It’ll still be a great place to watch a football game.
If you’ve enjoyed this content, please consider supporting StuffSomersSays.com by clicking this link.
