I want to begin with a public apology to two people.
To the Mic Man and the Mic Man’s mom, your son is doing a wonderful job asking me if I’m ready for Penn State football. He really is. I’m certain you’re very proud of him. I would be too.
So I’m sorry for what you’re about to read because I know your kid is just doing what he’s told. He’s clearly a great kid because he’s putting on a brave face in between the third and fourth quarters.
Now that that’s out of the way, I turn to someone in Penn State’s gameday production department, anyone — even if you’re an intern and afraid to speak up.
I have just one question for you.
Will you please stop asking me if I’m ready for the fourth quarter?
Listen, I know.
I know that someone came up with that idea. That idea is someone’s baby. It was a good idea in that meeting at the time. A bunch of you probably were all like “wow, yes, what a great way to get the crowd involved.”
But we’re five home games into this thing. I think it’s been done four times now.
It’s just not working.
I’m sorry. It’s not.
And look, there have been plenty of good ideas that have come out of those meetings. Zombie Nation, Seven Nations Army, the White Out, I mean those are all home runs.
Even some of the smaller details like the “Roar Tracker” and the little Old Main Bell animation that was shown a couple of times are fantastic.
But this one, this one question you’ve got for me, is not one of those ideas.
For those of you that haven’t been to a game this year and at this point are thinking “What is Darian fired up about now,” let me tell you.
In between the third and fourth quarter, the opening scene to the final chapter of many epic clashes fought between the gridiron laid out at the corner of Curtin and Porter, “Hey Baby” still plays – as it should because that’s a massively important tradition.
And then the Mic Man returns to the field and says “It’s time for the fourth quarter.”
I assure you that even the most novice of football fans know that. Four comes after three. There are four quarters in a football game. It’s known.
The Nittany Lion comes out onto the field and does the crowd control thing where he asks each side of the stadium to yell.
And then the Mic Man returns and goes “Beaver Stadium, I have one question for you.”
This, of course, is a call back to his opening question at the start of the game.
He continues.
“Are you ready for…”
And everyone inside Beaver Stadium is into those first four words. Everyone is right there with him saying those words. We know how the rest of that phrase goes. We just did it about two and a half hours ago.
“The fourth quarter?”
And the whole energy, the whole environment, the whole feeling is just sucked out of the stadium because it’s confusing. It’s kind of weird. You took a Penn State staple and just made it awkward. It’s also a little uncomfortable.
It’s almost as uncomfortable as the “Sing Along” sign that one cheerleader is holding while Mr. Brightside is playing. (Listen, I assure you, I’m probably dead if I’m not singing along to The Killers.)
But that’s another topic for another day.
Right now, we’re focused on the fourth quarter question.
Again, it was a great idea in a meeting. Props to whoever came up with it. But it’s just not working on gamedays.
For starters, pick a question. Are you asking me if I’m ready for Penn State football or the fourth quarter? You only get one question. I understand why you changed the question, but the first question is iconic. It whips Beaver Stadium into a frenzy.
The second question does not. Most of us think you’re asking the first question still so we all say that but the Mic Man doesn’t and it creates a lot of problems with the vibes.
Secondly, if I’m still in my seat at the end of the third quarter, yes, I am ready for the fourth quarter. I have paid quite a bit of money for my season tickets. I have never once in the last 10 years left a Penn State game early. I am sticking around for the fourth quarter. I plan on getting my whole bang for my buck.
A lot of the rest of us are sticking around too. It’s a very large stadium. Most of us are ready for the fourth quarter — regardless of how stressful it will be.
Lastly, it just zaps the air out of the stadium. What if Penn State is about to go back on offense out of the break? Why should I be getting loud then? If anything, I should be quiet. So should everyone else.
You’ve seen how they’ve been playing lately. You know they need every ounce of help.
And if Penn State’s on defense like they were on Saturday, give me another one of those run-through-a-brick-wall pump-up videos. Some of them are fantastic. Some of them make me want to go out there and line up next to Dani Dennis-Sutton and bring the pressure on the blitz that Manny Diaz just called.
The question just has a massive amount of cheese to it and I’m not talking about the fine cheese that comes from the Creamery.
This is Penn State. This is the Greatest Show in College Football ™ .
We can come up with a better idea so please stop asking me if I’m ready for the fourth quarter.
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