How many times do you think you’ve seen it?
You know exactly what I’m talking about.
Of course, you do. You wouldn’t have opened this article without knowing what I’m talking about.
How many times do you think you’ve seen the Big Ten commercial?
Time: 7:30 p.m.
TV: NBC
Announcers: Noah Eagle, Todd Blackledge, Kathryn Tappen
Radio: Penn State Sports Network
Announcers: Steve Jones, Jack Ham, Brian Tripp
PSU Depth Chart
PSU Roster
It’s been a good run but it’s time to face the music, which ironically mentions living forever. It’s time to realize we might have to say goodbye to that commercial, or rather, The Commercial.
Listen, if you came to this blog this week expecting some think piece about Penn State’s game with Michigan State, I regret to inform you that you will not find that here. I’ve got a turkey breast to cook today and mashed potatoes to fill up on. I don’t have any opinions about whether or not Drew Allar plays or what the offense will look like. Not right now.
No, instead I’m going to dedicate the next few hundred words to the Big Ten commercial because goddamnit, it deserves a few hundred words.
It’s the final weekend of Big Ten football in 2023, the final year of the relatively normal Big Ten since that commercial first appeared when the conference last expanded. And of course, there’s a good chance the commercial will air after Saturday, particularly on the Big Ten Network.
But just in case, I’d like to say goodbye now.
Think about how constant this commercial has been in your life. They say you spend six months of your life waiting for a red light to turn green. You’ve probably spent six hours of your life listening and watching that commercial.
Do the math. Say you’ve seen the 40-second spot 50-60 times a year, whether it be during a game you’re watching or a YouTube ad or lord knows where else you’ve seen that commercial. Multiply that by at least nine years because that’s how long Rutgers and Maryland have been in the Big Ten, and you get about six hours.
That’s not nothing.
That’s about how long it will take to drive from State College to Detroit for Friday’s game.
That’s two low-scoring, lots of rushing Iowa-Wisconsin football games. (Although, I’m not sure if the low-scoring epitaph is needed there.)
Growing up, I never understood the hype around the Hess truck commercial. I know a lot of people are attached to it but I don’t recall it being present in my life to the point where it was a milestone in the year.
No, for you, me and the rest of us weirdos who love to watch Illinois and Indiana play a football game because there’s nothing else on at 3:30 p.m., there was the Big Ten commercial.
Sure, the logical thing would be for the conference to expand the commercial to include Washington, Oregon, USC and UCLA. I mean, the commercial even starts off with a shot of the Rose Bowl.
But it won’t feel right. It just won’t.
No, this is the final weekend to celebrate this version of the commercial because it’s The version of the commercial, and that’s why I’m writing a blog post about it and you’re reading a blog post about.
Because you love that commercial. Or maybe just have that jingle stuck in your head.
But I just wanted to say goodbye to our old friend — just in case this is the end. Thank you for getting me through those late nights watching Nebraska and Northwestern attempt to play football.
Thank you for being the palate-cleanser I needed after Joe Namath comes on the screen to sell me life insurance in the previous commercial and the appetizer to the Gotham Steel pots and pans set that is just four payments of $49.95 if I call now.
Thank you for being such a mesmerizing watch that I still catch something new every time.
Most of all, thank you for being a constant in this crazy college football and college sports landscape.
I’ll miss you, my friend. You’ll live forever, I don’t care.
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