I think I know what I want.
I think I want just a big dumb football game, and honestly maybe that’s what we deserve.
As Penn State travels to Michigan searching for its first win in Big Ten play, this one sure feels like it’s going to be one gigantic rock fight that will test our collective mental fortitude to deal with this football team for six more games.
Maybe I want the punishment. Maybe I want to watch a football game where a starting quarterback has a stat line of 6-for-25 with 215 yards of passing and two touchdowns.
Maybe that’s what will get Penn State out of this funk.
But I feel pretty confident that Saturday feels particularly destined for a high chance of dumbassery on a football field in Ann Arbor.
Michigan has one of the best defenses in the country. Michigan has one of the worst offenses in the country.
Penn State’s defense is still struggling to tackle a Northwestern running back two weeks later and its offense – believe it or not – has a statistical advantage in this game in virtually every category.
I really think that Saturday is set to be one of those football games where at some point, likely by the final six minutes of the third quarter, you will find the nearest wall and bang your head ever so gently against it.
I am not confident in why I believe this, but it was quite literally the first thing that came to mind when thinking about this Penn State-Michigan football game.
After all, both teams are undersucceeding (honestly, “succeed” with or without a prefix attached to it should not be coming out of my brain into my keyboard as I write this) right now. Kyle Whittingham can’t figure out how to make the most of his quarterback, who probably ranks as one of Oracle’s highest-paid employees. And Matt Campbell can’t figure out when not to call a timeout for the life of him.
OK, maybe some of those thoughts, at least the ones that came after that last sentence, should just be kept in my brain. But we’re all thinking some of that. The football that has been played in both Happy Valley and Ann Arbor hasn’t been exactly the ‘85 Bears.
If ever there was a game where at some point you will text your college roommate (shoutout to Andy) and ask him, “What are we doing here?” as Penn State punts from the Michigan 37-yard line, it is this one.
There will be some baffling decisions by Michigan too. Let’s keep this nice and unbiased. (My money is on going for two after scoring the first touchdown of the game.)
And you know what? I love all of that. I am excited for all of that. This is the type of stupid, dumb game that makes you say “College football is the best” while also thinking “College football is the dumbest game on this planet.”
Every team and every schedule has at least one of those in a year and this one just feels like it is destined to be that game for Penn State and Michigan. It will be a game that no one nationally is talking about on Sunday afternoon. It will be the type of game that gets brought up in a group chat a few years from now, which no one will remember.
I might be wrong. I very rarely come into these posts with predictions. But the vibes and the data around these two teams – and the seasons they are having – is just too strong to ignore.
Give me the rock fight. Give me the big dumb football game. It’s what I want.
It’s what we deserve anyhow.
vs 
Time: 3:30 p.m.
TV: CBS
Announcers: Brad Nessler, Charles Davis, Jenny Dell
Radio: Penn State Sports Network
Announcers: Steve Jones, Jack Ham, Brian Tripp
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